


Home before you know it

by xoxoshipsinthenight



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abandonment, Anger, Angst, Caring Dean, Caring Sam, Chuck and Reader are in a relationship, Chuck is God, Crying, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, Smut, plans for Amara
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-09
Updated: 2017-07-25
Packaged: 2018-08-30 01:16:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 8,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8513176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xoxoshipsinthenight/pseuds/xoxoshipsinthenight
Summary: This takes place before the season 5 finale. Chuck and reader are dating and when he disappears she is crushed.  When Chuck returns the reader is furious.Chuck love! I love him so much. I hope you guys like this. Kudos, comment.





	1. I would never hurt you

“I’m home” you said. You walked in and found Chuck passed out at his desk. You quietly cleaned up around him, clearing the bottles and scrapped paper on the floor. Finally a hand reached out and grabbed your wrist, you turned to see Chuck smiling at you.

“Hi beautiful” he said still half asleep

“Hey handsome” you said kissing his cheek. Chuck pulled you onto his lap and held you tight.

“How was work?” he asked

“Okay. How is the book coming along?”

“It’s not” Chuck said. You got up and straddled him so you were face to face. You looked into his incredible blue eyes and kissed him hard. “Whoa” he said with a laugh.

“What?” You asked

“Nothing, it’s just we haven’t kissed like that in a while. It’s nice”

“You’ve been busy” you said getting up, though Chuck tried his best to keep you there.

“Where are you going?” He asked

“To make dinner” you smiled and left. Chuck smiled to himself, what did he do to deserve you. He looked at the pages he wrote, he knew what was coming next. After dinner you were lying on the couch and Chuck sat you up for a second so your head was resting on his lap. He played with your hair, which you loved and eventually you started to fall asleep. You woke up in his arms and being carried to bed. You snuggled into him more and he laughed a bit. 

“Goodnight, my love” he said as he put you in the bed. He kissed your forehead 

“Aren’t you coming?” you asked

“I have to write. Don’t worry about me” he said and you frowned 

“I do worry” 

“I know. I’ll stay with you until you fall asleep” Chuck climbed in the bed you two shared together and held you until you fell asleep. So did he, however he started to have visions again. He kicked and thrashed around which woke you up. You tried to calm him down, however that only earned you (a very very accidental) elbow to the face. Still asleep, Chuck calmed down.

The next morning Chuck woke up and saw you had a black eye. He reached out and gently rubbed his thumb over it. Did he do this? Of course he did, but he didn’t mean to, he would never hurt you. You woke up and saw Chuck had tears in his eyes.

“Chuck?” you asked concerned 

“I’m sorry” he said “Your eye, I didn’t mean to”

“I know. Baby, you had a nightmare and you were thrashing around. What happened?”

“It was Sam. He said yes” Chuck started to cry 

“No” you said. You couldn’t believe it. There was more but Chuck didn’t want to mention it. Chuck kissed you.

“I’m sorry for your eye” he said 

“Chuck, it’s fine” you reassured him.

“I’m making you breakfast in bed, anything you want” 

“A girl won’t say no to that” Chuck kissed you again and left. This time a taller man with green eyes brought you coffee. “You’re not Chuck” you laughed as Dean handed you coffee and kissed your forehead. 

“I am not” Dean laughed 

“You brought me coffee, so you’re my favorite” 

“Good.” Dean went and snuggled with you “Sammy is helping Cuck” Dean explained 

“He had a nightmare last night” you said. You knew you couldn’t tell dean what is was about 

“Yeah. He told us about your eye.” Dean took a sip of your coffee “What was the dream about?”

“Oh, uh. He didn’t say” you lied. Just then Chuck walked in with breakfast

“Hey! Quit hitting on my girlfriend” Chuck said 

“”Fine” Dean took another sip of your coffee and got off the bed. Chuck placed the tray on your lap

“Oh, pancakes” you said Dean reached to grab you and you slapped his hand away

“Owy” he said 

“You have gone to hell and back, been possessed by demons, beaten, bruised and then Y/N slaps your hand away and you say Owy?” Chuck asked 

“Yes” he said 

The boys left and you tried to distract Chuck from writing. 

“Y/N” Chuck said as you kissed his neck

“Come on” you said as you started to undo his belt. He grabbed your hands and you rested you head on his shoulder “You’re no fun” you whined 

“I have to finish this”

“Please” you moved to stand in front of him and pouted 

“That won’t work” he said. You got on your knees between his legs 

“How about now?” you smirked 

“I wish I could say yes” he said as you took off your shirt. “Y/N…” he moaned when you unhooked your bra and dropped it on the floor. He reached out to grab your boob and then moved his hand “No” 

“UGH” you said as you stood up and took of the rest of your clothes. You were literally standing naked in front of him and he sat there with his mouth opened

“I-um-I ha-have to-book, I write.” he stammered 

“Well, then, I’ll just be on the couch, if you need me” you said. Chuck watched as you moved to the couch and sat with your legs opened. He groaned and turned back to the book. He knew what he had to do, he knew he had to write. “Really?!” You stood up again, frustrated that your boyfriend was ignoring the fact that you were practically throwing yourself at him.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. It’s not like I want to be writing. You’re naked! I like this very much” he said 

“Then touch me!” 

“I want to. Give me a minute” you sat back down, spread your legs and started to rub your clit. You closed your eyes and moaned a bit, which made Chuck moan. He got up and you felt his hands and breath on your thighs. He kissed your inner right thigh. “I should be working” he said

“Oh yeah, talk dirty to me” he laughed Chuck moved your hand and replaced it with his mouth. You moaned as he teased your entrance with his fingers. “Chuuuuck” you said. 

“You were teasing me” he said 

“I wasn’t” you protested and Chuck took off his shirt and handed it to you “You don’t want to see my boobs?”

“Not the main focus tonight” him saying that made you get wetter. You put his shirt on, it was getting a little cold. “Ready?” he asked? You thrusted your hips up. Chuck started to eat you out and man did it feel good. You were getting close and then you heard someone clear their throat.

“Is that?” you asked 

“Hey” Dean said you couldn’t see his face but you knew you he was smirking

“I’m a little busy” Chuck said still against you

“I’ll be back” Dean left

“Hurry up” you said Chuck rubbed his hand up and down your entrance and inserted two fingers which sent you over the edge. Chuck cleaned you up and you quickly run upstairs before Dean came back.

Chuck tried to give Sam and Dean as much detail of the book as he could. 

“Lucifer?” Sam asked 

“How does it end?” Dean asked 

“I haven’t seen that part” Chuck lied

The day came, Chuck was pacing back and forth you tried to calm him down.

“Get to work” he said kissing you

“I can take the day off” you said 

“No. Come on, you go off to work and I’ll see you later” that wasn’t a lie. 

“Okay. Hey, I love you” you said Chuck grabbed you and kissed you like he never kissed you before

“I love you too” he said. You smiled and left. It happened, Sam said yes, he and Michael went in the hole and you felt uneasy. You knew that meant it happened. Dean, you had to get to your best friend, you had to get home. Dean texted you where he was and you drove immediately to be with him.


	2. I will surley come back

“Y/N! Y/N!” Dean yelled as he was running towards

“Dean!” you jumped into his arms both crying. You held each other close

“Sammy, he’s-he’s” Dean tried 

“I know” you held him tighter. You invited Dean back to your place with Chuck, you walked in. “Chuck?” you yelled “Chuck, I have Dean”

“Chuck?” Dean said. Where the hell is he? You two searched around the house. Maybe he was out. You got to your bedroom and found a note on your bed. 

“I’m sorry. Chuck” you read aloud. What did that mean? 

“I can’t find him” Dean said “Maybe he’s ou-“ Dean looked at you. You hadn’t realized but you were shaking. “Hey” Dean took the note from your hand. “Oh, Y/N” you were holding your breath, you felt light headed. You felt Dean’s arms grab you and lower you to the bed as you gasped for air. “You’re okay, deep breathes” 

“I-I’m sorry. I shou-should be comforting you” You said

“It’s okay.” Dean wrapped his arm around you. Once you calmed down a bit, Dean went to make some food. You climbed on your bed and went under the covers. Dean came and brought you food. The next few months were rough, Dean took care of you, you took care of Dean. Sam came back, soulless, you did everything you could along with Dean and Cas to get his soul back.

“Chuck, it’s Dean. Sam has his soul back. Y/N, she’s worse. Why would you do that? Why did you leave without saying anything? A note, I’m sorry. Seriously? Chuck, some on. Where are you?” Dean hung up 

“Hello darling” you heard. Not his usual way though, it was sympathetic. The boys knew it had to be bad when even Crowley was concerned. 

“How could he do this to her?” Sam asked 

“I don’t know, but when he returns, I’m going to kill him” Dean said 

“I’ve never seen her this upset” Sam said 

“I never liked him” Crowley said 

“You don’t like anyone” Dean stated 

“Not true, I like Y/N” You walked out with the boys

“Crowley, you old softy” you said

“Hey” the three said 

“How are you feeling?” Sam asked 

“Me, what about you?” you asked

“I’m fine”

“Me too”

“You both know that fine in our world means terrible, right?” Dean asked 

“Shut up” You and Sam said

As the years went on, the pain of losing Chuck and not knowing where he was got easier. You kept calling and leaving messages, for some reason his phone was still activated 

“Chuck, it’s Y/N…again. It’s been two years now. Where are you? Please call” You hung up the phone

It’s been five years now. You were helping the Winchester’s with Amara 

“God has a sister?” you asked 

“Yeah, and she’s a bitch” Dean said 

“I second that” Crowley said 

“And God is?” Sam said 

“An asshole” you piped up

“He’s not answering” said Sam

“Because he doesn’t” Dean said 

“Amara, she’s the smoke?” Crowley said 

“Yes” Dean said 

“How do we stop it?” You asked 

“You can’t” Dean said 

“Yes, well that’s the attitude “Crowley said 

Dean and Sam went out on a hunt. They tried to save some people from the smoke. When they stepped outside they say a man helping a girl off the ground. Then man turned and they couldn’t believe it. 

“We should probably talk” the man said. The boys were stunned, Chuck was God?

“You’re G-god?” Sam asked 

“Yes” Chuck replied 

“Do you have any idea what you did to Y/N. I sat and watched her cry for a week straight. She barely ate anything for months, she didn’t get out for a bed for weeks. Even Crowley was there for her. Crowley!” Dean said “Do you know how fucked up we all have been and now you’re supposed to be God?”

“Dean-“ Chuck started 

“He’s right. What is wrong with you? Even without a soul, I felt sorry for Y/N. We have been through so much in our lives, but I have never seen someone in that much pain” Chuck started to tear up. He knew leaving you was the hardest thing he ever had to do, besides putting Lucifer in the cage. 

“How is she? Did she-did she move on?” Chuck asked

“No” Dean said 

The boys and Chuck went back to the bunker and Sam got you. You walked in and there was Chuck. The man who abandoned you five years ago. You felt angry, rage, something came over you, you were seeing white and next thing you knew Sam carried you out as you saw Dean helping Chuck up. 

“I know. I know” Sam said trying to calm you down. You were visibly shaking and he held you to calm down. When you did you wanted to go back. “Y/N” 

“I’ll be nice” you said 

“…Yeah” Sam walked you in and Chuck and Dean looked at you 

“WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN?!” you yelled


	3. I found what I was looking for

“Y/N, I don’t even know where to begin” Chuck said 

“Well, you’re God” said Dean

“WHAT?” you yelled

“Yeah.” Chuck said shyly 

“You’ve been God this whole time?” you asked 

“Yes. I knew I had to leave, I didn’t know how to tell you” 

“Did your think I wouldn’t believe you? Because the books you write are true, the Winchesters are real. I would have believed you. FUCK, what is wrong with you? ‘I’m sorry, Chuck.’ That’s all you left. I DIDN’T KNOW IF YOU WERE DEAD OR WHAT HAPPENED!” 

“I know.” He said

“No you don’t.” Sam said 

“Like I said she didn’t get out of beds for weeks” Dean added 

“How long are you here for?” you asked him

“I’m back now, I have to help with my sister” Chuck said 

“Then what?” Sam asked 

“Then I will stay” Chuck took a step towards you and you stepped back. The boys went and had a talk with him. Dean came to get you, he was crying. He wanted to know how Chuck could just sit by and let everything in the world and their world happen. 

Chuck went to his room and sat there thinking about that time you were sobbing begging for him to come back. He heard all of that; he got the phone messages from Dean and from you. But he did what he thought was right. 

“Talk to us” Dean said trying to get you to look at them. You just looked straight ahead 

“Please. Y/N” Sam said. He touched your shoulder and that’s what did it. You broke down sobbing gasping for air. Dean brought you to the ground and held you as you sobbed and sobbed. It was so loud Chuck could hear it in is room. It took everything for him to not break down himself

“Deep breaths” Dean said. Chuck came out and looked at Sam who was looking at you. Sam looked up, tears in his eyes and Chuck was frozen. For the first time, he got what Dean was saying. Why he was so angry. Look at you. Look at what he did to you, the amount of pain he caused you. Dean cradled you and Sam just shook his head at Chuck letting him know now was not the best time to make himself known. He quietly went back to his room. 

Dean picked you up and carried you to you room. You clung to him, still sobbing, he was crying too. He hated seeing you like this. He knew what Chuck leaving did to you. Now that he’s back, your whole world was turned upside and you finally got it back on track and there it goes again.

“Hey” Sam said walking into Chuck’s room

“I DID THAT!” Chuck yelled “I’M THE REASON SHE’S LIKE THAT. I SHOULD HAVE TOLD HER, I KNEW WHAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN. FUCK, I KNEW ALL ALONG I WAS GOD”

“So why didn’t you?” Sam wanted to understand 

“I don’t know. I told her about you and Lucifer. I told her everything, except that I was God. That I was going to have to leave her”

“I wish I could say something to make it better, but there isn’t. You fucked up” Sam said 

“I know”

Dean tried to get you to sleep, but you kept crying and crying.

“I want to wake up” you whispered 

“You are awake” Dean said confused 

“I-I can’t b-be. I ca-can’t. He-he-can’t be he-here. He-he isn’t real. Don’t le-let thi-this be real” you tried to saying gasping for air. Dean held you tight to his body, hoping his breathing would help with yours. “I loved him” 

“I know, sweetheart” he rubbed circles on your back and you started to drift off to sleep. You were feeling lightheaded from all the crying. He didn’t leave though, he didn’t dare get up. He held you all night. The next morning you woke up

“Dean?” you asked and he opened his eyes

“Hey” he smiled 

“You stayed here all night?” 

“Yeah. I got to take care of my girl”. You hugged him. “Are you ready?” 

“No” but you got up anyway and walked out. Sam wrapped you in a hug. That’s when you noticed behind him was Chuck. 

“Hi” chuck said quietly. You walked right up to him and looked him in the eyes

“Screw you” you said and you walked to the kitchen. 

“Give her time” Sam said

“I wouldn’t forgive me either” Chuck said and he walked into the kitchen. “Y/N” he said. 

“What?” you snapped 

“Can we please talk?” Sam and Dean walked into the kitchen

“Chuck, maybe you should-“ Dean started

“You and me. That’s what we said, it was always going to be you and me, no matter what. We told each other everything! You told me about Sam becoming Lucifer and I didn’t tell anyone” 

“You knew?” asked Dean

“YES! I could know that, but I couldn’t know if my own boyfriend was God” 

“YOU KNEW!” Dean yelled “YOU KNEW AND YOU DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING? NOT TO ME OR SAM”

“WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO SAY? ‘OH HEY, YOUR BROTHER IS GOING TO SAY YES’. THERE ARE BIGGER ISSUES HERE DEAN” He stormed out and Sam followed him. 

“I heard you. I heard your messages” Chuck said quietly 

“And you sat back and did nothing.” You started to tear up

“I heard you asking to die. That hurt so much. Knowing that you wanted to die because I wasn’t there. This wasn’t easy for me either. I had to make a decision and I did what I thought was right. It kills me to know the amount of pain I caused you. I wanted to come out and tell you I was okay, that everything was going to be oaky”

“Then why didn’t you?”


	4. Explain to me

“SHE KNEW!” Dean yelled at Sam. Dean was packing back and forth. He grabbed a mug that was on the table and threw it.

“Dean, listen-“ Sam tried to say

“SHE FUCKING KNEW THIS WHOLE TIME AND SHE DID NOTHING!” 

“DEAN!” Sam yelled back. 

“Then why didn’t you.” you said to Chuck. 

“Y/N” Chuck said not knowing how to answer this.

“Please God, anything but this. Please, take this pain awAY FROM ME! MAKE IT STOP, MAKE IT STOP. I DON’T WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE. I CAN’T DO THIS. PLEASE! NO MORE. MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP!” you screamed what you repeated those first two years. Chuck closed his eyes remembering hearing you say that. Knowing he was the reason, he was the one you were asking. “I LOVED YOU”

“I know. I loved you too. You have nO IDEA WHAT IT WAS LIKE FOR ME TO DECIDED TO LEAVE. YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT I HAD TO GO THROUGH. KNOWING I COULDN’T TELL YOU. DON’T YOU THINK I WOULD HAVE IF I COULD?! Y/N, YOU ARE THE MOST IMPORT-“Chuck had to stop himself. “You mean everything to me, you are my whole world. I would never do anything to hurt you”

“You are a fucking disaster. You created this and all of us and for what? Your own amusement? You have a lot of nerve showing up here. You say you’re going to stay once you capture your sister, but what if you don’t?” 

“I will” Chuck said quietly. You left and literally walked right into Sam.

“Oh, ow” you said.

“Sorry” Sam smiled weakly. “Y/N, he’s pretty mad” he said about Dean.

“Yeah, well so am I!” you spat out and walked past Sam. He watched you walk to Dean’s room and slam the door open, walk in and slam it shut.

“WHAT?!” Dean yelled, jumping a bit. You walked up and grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him close 

“Listen here you ungrateful son of a bitch. Yes, I knew and Chuck told me not to say anything. Don’t you ever yell at me like that again, do you understand?” Even though you were younger than Dean, younger than Sam even, the boys knew that when you got mad, you got mad. I think Crowley even said you could make Lucifer your bitch. 

“Yes ma’am” Dean said. You let go of his shirt and walked out of his room. Meanwhile Sam was with Chuck.

“You have to really mean it” Sam said 

“I do. I will stay” Chuck said. “I heard all of it” 

“Yeah, but you didn’t have to live with it. It must have been hard to sit and do nothing, but stories Dean told, about getting her to eat, getting her changed, fucking bathed.” Sam said and Chuck got up and walked into Dean’s room.

“Why don’t people knock?” Dean said

“Tell me” Chuck said

“What?” Dean looked at both men confused.

“Tell me what Y/N was like. Those first few months” Chuck said

“Oh. Chuck I don’t-“ Dean started.

“Please” Chuck begged. Dean hesitated 

“The first night she didn’t sleep. She just looked straight ahead. The next day she didn’t say a word. She didn’t speak for about a mouth. She just cried and cried. The first week, I asked if I could help her into a bath and she nodded. I-I got her undressed, washed her, washed her hair. I tried to get her to speak, but nothing. I made her soup, crackers and cheese.” You sat outside Dean’s door and listened to all this, everything came flooding back.

“What else” Chuck’s voice broke

“She started to have nightmares, panic attacks in the middle of the night. They were so bad that I had to sleep with her because sometimes she” Dean paused looking down, remembering that first time.

“She what?” Chuck asked 

“She would stop breathing.” Dean said. “But slowly she started to come around. I had to go on a haunt and I asked Crowley to watch her, of all people. He actually got her to speak”

“When I came back, she was so kind to me” Sam said. “One night I walked past her room and I heard her crying. I heard her talking to Go-you.” Sam said. “Chuck, she is the strongest person we know, but what you did almost killed her.”

“I know” Chuck said 

“If you leave again it just might” Dean said.

“I would never do that. I promise, I mean here to stay.”

“Chuck” the boys turned and saw you standing there, tears streaming down your face.

“Y/N” he said tears in his eyes.

“I want you to leave” you said through the tears.

“What?” Chuck said

“I can’t stand to look at you” 

“Please!” Chuck took a step closer you

“Please” you whispered back


	5. Please go and leave me here

“You don’t mean that” Chuck said trying to hold back tears

“I do” you said 

“Y/N, think about this” Dean said. 

“I want you gone” you said again.

“I told you, I’m not going anywhere” 

“LEAVE!” you yelled

“Okay” Chuck whispered. He walked past you and Dean went to follow him 

“Are you sure? Y/N, I know this a lot to take in, but maybe if you-“ Sam started 

“I gave up on us a long time ago” you cried and Sam held you close.

“You can’t just leave” Dean said 

“It’s what she wants” Chuck said packing up his stuff

“She doesn’t mean that. She doesn’t know what she’s saying”

“Dean, what am I supposed to do?”

“You’re God! You’re supposed to have all the answers”

“Well, I don’t”

“Chuck, don’t do this!” Dean begged 

“It’s what she wants” Chuck said again.

“Please” Dean said

“I’m sorry” he said taking his stuff walking to the door. He looked over and saw you standing there and Sam behind you not wanting Chuck to go. He walked up the stairs and left.

“Y/N” Dean said looking at you. 

“I couldn’t do it” you said quietly.

“Okay” Sam said placing a hand on your shoulder. He left your room and you closed the door. They heard the door lock and Dean got panicked immediately and so did Sam.

“Y/N! Y/N, open this door” Dean said banging

“Come on” Sam said trying the handle

“Open this right now!” 

“Please” Sam said. You sat with your back against the door looking forward. You barely heard the boys and the banging. Everything seemed muffled, you were having a hard time trying to breath and the room started spinning. You tried to stand up stand up, but you were shaking . 

“It’s alright” you heard someone say and you felt hands on your face “Breathe. Breathe” you tried to look at who was with you. “Darling, breathe. You’re okay, you’re safe” you focused enough to see Crowley was with you. 

“Crowley?” you whispered. 

“Yeah. I’m here. I got you” he said. The room stopped spinning and it was getting easier to breathe. Finally you heard the boys.

“I’M KICKING THE DOOR DOWN!” Dean yelled. Crowley moved to the side so he could open the door.

“A tad dramatic, don’t you think?” he asked the boys

“Crowley?” Sam said confused 

“I’ve got her.” He said. The boys looked down at you, knees to your chest, head resting on your arms.

“Y/N?” Dean asked crouching down to you. You didn’t look up. You just sat there. Sam got Dean out the room and Crowley closed the door.

“CROWLEY!? OF ALL THE PEOPLE SHE OPENS UP TO” Dean yelled 

“Well, you two aren’t exactly seeing eye to eye right now” Sam said 

“She told him to go”

“And he listened”

“Yeah, the onetime God actually listens. She doesn’t know what she’s talking about.”

“Dean. You were there; you saw what him leaving did to her. Think about how she feels now. The man she loved abandons her and then returns, you can’t expect them to pick up right where they left off” Sam said.

“I know” Dean said looing down. 

“She would like food” Crowley said walking into the room.

“Okay” Sam said leaving with Crowley to go to the kitchen. Dean made his way to your room and slowly opened the door to see you lying on your bed.

“Hey” he whispered.

“He’s gone?” you asked 

“Yeah” Dean got closer to you.

“Good” you said quietly

“Why did you make him leave?”

“Because looking at him made me feel sick and angry. I just wanted to beat the shit out of him for leaving me like that. For not telling me why, not telling me he was God. We told each other everything. He knows everything about me and-It took me years to learn to stop loving him. I can’t go through that again, I can’t have him here one day and gone the next.”

“He’s going to help with Amara” Dean said

“Not in this bunker he won’t” you said 

“That’s not your decision to make.” Dean was getting angry. 

“Then maybe I shouldn’t be here” you said

“What do you mean?” Dean said hesitantly

“I’m leaving” you said 

“No” 

“Dean, please. ” you stood up and grabbed your suitcase. Dean grabbed your hand and to stop you.

“Sam and I can’t risk that. We can’t risk not knowing where you are.”

“I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself” you said getting out of his grip. Just then Sam and Crowley walked in with food.

“What’s going on?” Sam asked 

“She’s leaving” Dean said 

“Y/N” Sam said 

“I need this. I need to be away from here for a while, away from you boys. You know I love you and I would do anything for you, but this is what I need. “ you said placing a hand on Dean’s cheek.

“I will check up on her” Crowley said. Dean could see that you really needed this. AS much as he hated it, he knew that you needed space, you needed to be anyway from this for a bit. He wished he could do that too. You ate what the boys made you.

“I’ll leave tomorrow” you said

“Okay” Sam said hugging you tight.

“Dean, I will come back” you said 

“I know” he was trying not to look at you. He didn’t want you to see him cry. You walked to your room and finished packing. 

“Don’t do this” you heard and you turned around to see those beautiful blue eyes that once loved you.

“Chuck” you said

“We can work this out. We can talk through this, Dean told me everything, and I know everything.” Chuck was surprised that you let him come near you. He placed his hands on either side of your face and put his forehead against yours. You closed your eyes, and place your hands on his arms. “Please look at me” he whispered.

“It hurts too much” you said. Both of you not moving.

“We need you, the boys need you. Dean, he needs you”

“He’s a big boy” 

“Look what I did to you” he said quietly

“You destroyed me” you whispered back and that’s what broke you. You started sobbing, clinging to Chuck. He held you close. Dean and Sam rushed in when they heard the sobs. Chuck looked at them and the boys left, leaving you two alone.


	6. Let me fix you

Dean came running down the stairs of the bunker and grabbed blankets and a first aid kit. Your screams echoed the bunker as Sam carried you in. 

“You’re okay. You’re okay” he said as Dean placed the blankets on the table. Your griped your right side, tears coming out. Sam put you on the table.

“Sa-Sam” you said

“Shhh. Shhh. I know” he said.

“Are you attached to this shirt?” Dean asked you and you shook your head. Dean started to cut the shirt off of you. Sam gently lifted your hand so Dean could cut the rest. Sam put his hand over the wound.

“WHAT HAPPENED?!” the boys looked up and saw Chuck standing there.

“De-Dean, it hurts” you sobbed.

“We’re going to fix you up.” He said

“Let me heal you” Chuck said stepping closer. The boys looked at you with pleading eyes, but you shook your head. 

“Y/N, please” Same begged.

“N-No” you got out. Dean got the needle ready to stitch you up. 

“Baby, please.” Chuck said. Raising his hand to place on your forehead, you wanted to swat it away, but your right shoulder was dislocated and you didn’t have the energy.

“No” you said a little louder this time. 

“I need to pop that shoulder back in. It’s going to hurt like hell” Sam said and you tried to sit up. Sobbing, you were in so much pain. Your stubbornness got the best of you. You knew Chuck could fix you up. You nodded. “Count of three” you took a deep breath and then a loud crack was heard and your shoulder was back in place. You screamed louder than ever. Sam helped you back down.

“I have to stitch this up,Y/N. It’s going to hurt. Sammy, hold her down.” Sam went to hold your arms. “Chuck, get her legs or get out” Dean barked. Chuck hesitated and the held your legs. 

You screamed as Dean started to stitch you up, you felt Chuck tighten his hands around your legs wanting to just heal you.   
You saying “you destroyed me” was all he could think about. You closed your eyes tight, feeling lightheaded. 

“You’re doing great” Dean said finishing up. He cleaned the wound and Sam made a makeshift sling. He gently carried you to your room, lying you down on the bed.

The boys checked on you throughout the night. Dean changed your bandage and went to move some hair out of your face to kiss your forehead. When his hand touched your forehead he felt that you were burning up. Shit. 

“What is it?” Chuck said popping in and scaring Dean.

“She’s burning up” he said still focused on you.

“Let me heal her. Please” Chuck said.

“She doesn’t-“ Dean started.

“The wound is infected, Dean. I can deal with what happens after. Please” he looked at the older Winchester with pleading eyes. Dean nodded. Chuck placed a hand on your forehead and healed you, feeling how hot you were. “There” Chuck said stepping back.

“Thank you” Dean said. 

When you woke up the next morning you were not in pain. You looked at your side and saw that it was healed. Normally you would be happy about this, but you asked him not to. You stormed into the kitchen.

“Y/N, listen to me. You had a fever, we had no other choice” Dean said standing up when you walked in.

“I asked him not too!” you spat back.

“Well I gave him permission.” Dean said calmly.

“Then take me to a hospital” 

“It would have been too late. This was easier, he was right there, he offered. I wasn’t going to let you die”

“I DON’T WANT HIS HELP! DEAN, WHY DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?!”

“YOU COULD HAVE DIED! WHY DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?!” Sam ran in when he heard the yelling.

“GUYS!” he said 

“I DON’T WANT HIS HELP!” you yelled again

“You have every right to be mad at Chuck. But not for healing you, come on, even you know that this was a good thing.” Sam was trying to get everyone to calm down. 

“HE DOESN’T GET TO HEAL ME AFTER HE BROKE ME!” you were shaking now and the boys slowly took steps towards you. Chuck had been back for a month now and you still couldn’t believe that he was going to stay. You had finally gotten over everything and then he is there. Everything resurfaced. Him healing you was the last thing you wanted. 

“You’re right. You’re right. What Chuck did was awful, leaving you like that. I know, he says he’s going to stay and you’re scared he might go again. You don’t want those feelings to come up again.” Sam said hands up, but still getting close to you.

“Chuck, he doesn’t get what he did to you. He says that he knows, that he heard you, but we’re on your side.” Dean said. 

Chuck was outside of the kitchen, hands in a fist. He knew it was going to take a long time for you to be okay with this, but why couldn’t you just be over the fact that you were healed. Why was he getting angry over this? This wasn’t about him…this wasn’t about him. Chuck’s eyes widened and his hands relaxed. He was listening to what everyone was saying, but he wasn’t hearing it until now. This wasn’t about him.


	7. Plans

As you exited the kitchen, you felt a hand grab you.

“Y/N” Chuck said sadly.

“Not right now.” You said

“This isn’t about me.”

“Duh” 

“I healed you” he held your hands.

“Do you want a medal?”

“I didn’t do it for me. I didn’t do it for you, I did it for Dean. He was so worried about you”

“And you weren’t?” you took a step away from him.

“Of course I was! You are everything to me.”

“Then why couldn’t you tell me about being God?! Your sister!” 

“Don’t you mention my sister to me. You have no idea what that is like.”

“You have no idea what it was like coming home and finding you gone. Dean talked to you and-“

“I heard you. I heard what everyone was saying, but I never understood it. This isn’t about me.”

“Well, finding your sister and stopping her is sort of about you.”

“Us. I meant us.” He said.

“You and I? There isn’t a you and I anymore. And for the record, you and I does involve you. It is about you.” you stormed off. 

Chuck walked into the kitchen to see Sam and Dean awkwardly go back to what they were doing. 

“You heard all that” Chuck said with a sigh.

“Hard not to” Sam said.

“So, what are we going to do about your sister?” Dean asked.

“Her name is Amara. This is about me”

“Right and you and Y/N….”Sam trailed off.

“What have you got on my sister?”

“Well, mother has a plan” they turned to see Crowley.

“Rowena, she’s going to help?” Sam asked.

“What is it going to cost us?” Dean asked.

“Nothing. Surprisingly she wants to save the world.”

“And you believed her. Come on, there is something she wants, I know it” Dean said getting angry.

“Easy, not moose” Crowley said. “So, where’s our girl?”

“Cooling down.” Sam pointed to Chuck. 

“How is she?” 

“Pissed that I asked Chuck to heal her.” Dean said 

“Wait, what happened?” Crowley asked.

“The hunt didn’t go as planned, they never do. She got really hurt, dislocated shoulder; Dean had to stitch up her side.” Sam explained.

“She was running a fever, the wound was infected. I had no other choice.” Dean said

“Still not thrilled good ol’ Chuck is back?” Crowley asked.

“Not exactly” Sam said with a sigh.

“Can we please talk about Amara?” Dean wanted everyone to get back on track. 

“What is Rowena’s plan?” Chuck asked Crowley.

“You trapped her before” Crowley said.

“With the help of Lucif-“ Chuck cut Sam off.

“He did not help!” 

You were in your room trying to figure out how to get Amara. I guess Chuck would be against killing his own sister. There was a light knock on your door. 

“Hey” you looked up and saw Dean.

“We could kill her” you said and Dean looked a little shocked. 

“She’s powerful, Y/N. She could kill Chuck.”

“You can’t kill God” you spat at him.

“Whoa, why are you getting angry with me?” 

“Sorry. Sorry. I just-I need to go for a drive or something. I need to clear my head.”

“You need to rest.”

“But I was healed.” You said sarcastically.

“Wow, okay.” He said taking a step back.

“I don’t know why I’m being such a bitch.” You covered your face and sighed.

“You thought you lost the love of your life and now he’s back. That’s not easy.” He said palcing a hand on your shoulder.

“He’s not the love of my life. Not anymore. That is not the man that I fell in love with.”

“I know”

“He was so quarky and cute. It wasn’t easy watching him drink, watching him go through that and get those visions. I cared for him. I held him, I told him everything was going to be okay. I was there for him. And when I needed to be held, when I needed to be told that it was going to okay, who was there? You. Don’t get me wrong, I am so incredibly thankful for you but-“

“-I know” Dean said cutting you off and pulling you into a hug. “I know”


	8. Not like before

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the long updates

You went for a walk and when you came back you sat in your room and closed the door. You just looked at the wall across from you. Finally you reached over to the drawer and pulled it open, pulling out a picture of you and Chuck. It was your favorite one of the two of you. Sam took it, of all people. Chuck had thrown you over his shoulder and ran around a bit, then he put you down. The picture was right after, you were both looking up laughing, one of your hands held on to his shirt, the other to his arm that was wrapped around you. His other hand was on your lower back.

This was your Chuck, this was the man you fell in love with. You closed your eyes, remembering the first time you two kissed. It was so magical, something you’ve never experienced before. He was sweet and gentle and you felt like you were floating on a cloud. You laughed a little remembering saying wow after it happened.

_“ Wow” you breathed out._

_“Ha, thank you. Never got that reaction before” Chuck said._

_“I mean it. Wow.” You looked him in the eyes and you knew there was something about him._

_He kissed you again, this time it was more passionate._

You remember the first time you saw him have a vision. You were right by his side, calming him down, telling him it was okay. He was scared that you were going to leave him, but you could never do that. You would never do that.  You looked down at the picture again. At the happy couple you knew weren’t coming back.

You got up to go to the bathroom and a suddenly the room started spinning and you gripped on to the dresser. You didn’t know what was happening, but apparently you were screaming bloody murder. You dropped to the ground, still screaming. Sam and Dean were by your side immediately.

“What is it, sweetheart?” Dean asked worriedly.

 Sam tried to look at you to see if you were hurt or something. Dean pulled your head to his lap, helping you lay down. You kept screaming and started to thrash around.  Both brothers looked at each other terrified. They tried to talk to you, but you couldn’t hear them. Sam grabbed you and held you tight to him. Crowley appeared and the boys looked at him.

“She is remembering.” He said.

“What?” Dean asked.

“She is remembering everything with Chuck.” He said sadly.

“Shhhh. Shhhh.” Sam whispered to you. You shut your eyes and Chuck appeared and placed two fingers on your forehead and you stopped. Sam still had his arms tight around you.

“What did you do?” Dean asked Chuck.

“I calmed her” he said

Crowley went and  picked up the picture you were looking at. This must have been what triggered whatever the hell that was. Your eyes were still shut and Dean carefully approached you.

“Hey, Y/N. Sweetheart, can you hear me?” he asked and you nodded

“Good” Sam said “I’m going to move my arms now”

“No” you said.

“Okay. Okay. I won’t”

“Get out” you said opening your eyes.

“Come on” Crowley said to Chuck and Dean.

Everyone left, leaving you in Sam’s arms on the floor. He felt that you were still shaking. You felt a little trapped now and tapped Sam’s arms and he moved them from you. You still remained seated between his legs. Sam placed a firm hand on your back.

“I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere” he said. You nodded and he rubbed circles on your back.

Crowley placed the picture on the table and Chuck picked it up.

“Wasn’t that from-“ Dean said and Chuck nodded.

“What?” Crowley asked.

“She saw how stressed I was, she took me to a cabin. We hung out, spent a few days away from the world. Sam and Dean came up and we had a normal weekend.” Chuck explained

“Bonfires and all” Dean said and Crowley nodded.

“Well, seems like this is the picture that caused it all” he said.

“I was listening to her thoughts. She was remembering our first kiss. Our life together. The life I ruined.”

“Yeah, good job. What are we going to do about your darling sister?” Crowley said 

“I don’t know” Chuck said

“What about Y/N?” Dean asked

“I don’t know” he said

“Wow, for being God, you certainly are indecisive” Crowley laughed.

“Shut up” Chuck said

“Ooh, good come back”

“THAT’S ENOUGH!” Dean yelled. “Not another word out of the two of you.”

Dean walked back into your room and found you and Sam had moved to your bed. He was holding you and you had fallen asleep.

“She’s not getting any better” Dean said quietly.

“Why did he have to come back?” Sam asked looking down at you.

“I hate babying her, but look how broken he left her.”

Chuck looked at the picture you had. He knew you two would never be that couple again. He knew that he should have told you right away. If he did, then maybe you would still be that happy couple. If he had just told you, then the love of his life wouldn’t hate him, wouldn’t reject him. You told him you would never leave him, but he left you. He left you, knowing the consequences.

He knew what this was going to do to you. He knew that you were strong enough to handle it, that with Dean by your side, you could get through this. He knew what was going to happen when he came back. This hatred you have towards him is something he has to live with


	9. Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not exactly how the finale went. I did my own spin

You looked down at the man you loved lying on the floor. Was he dead? Did Amara kill her own brother? Before you realized it, you were rushing to his side.

“Chuck? Chuck?!” you saw him slowly open his eyes.

“Ow” he said.

“Talk to me, what’s going on?” you said helping him sit up.

“So now you care about me” he said.

“Oh fuck this” you said standing up and walking away.

“Not really your finest moment” Crowley said to Chuck. 

Rowena walked in and Sam helped Chuck up.

“Just curious, has anyone bothered to look outside?” she said. 

You all made your way out and saw the sun going dark. Great you were all going to die. Chuck zapped you all back to the bunker and Everyone went to grab a drink. Sam went to find out what to do about Amara.

“Y/n, come on, talk to him.” Dean said.

“No” you took a beer from him.

“He’s dying.”

“Then let him die” you got up and moved to sit beside Crowley.

“My, my, you certainly got a feisty one, Charles” Rowena said to Chuck handing him tea. 

“We’re not together” he said.

“Well, can you blame her?”

“I’ve been trying.” 

“Not hard enough, apparently” Rowena said.

“What more does she want? Does she want me to turn back time? I can’t!”

“You’re God” 

“Okay, yes, I can, but”

“You’re so high and holy, wrapped up in your big ego. This is not about you.” Chuck looked up and saw you standing there. “Well, this actually is about you, but you and I. Why repeat myself, you don’t listen, you never listen. Where’s the old Chuck? The stuttering, writer who was scared of everything. Because that is the man that I fell in love you. Not this. Not you! Not this you, who sat by and let the world fall apart, LITERALLY! THE WORLD IS LITERALLY FALLING APART! AND WHOSE FAULT IS THAT?!”

“MINE! IT’S MY FAULT. I’M THE ONE WHO LOCKED HER AWAY. I’M THE ONE WHO FELL IN LOVE YOU, KNOWING FULL WELL WHO I REALLY WAS! I WITHHELD THAT AND THEN I ABANDONED YOU AND MY CREATIONS. MY FAMILY”

“OH HE FINALLY ADMITS IT!” Someone cleared their throats and you all turned to see Billie.

“Someone call for a reaper.” She said breaking the tension “What?” 

“Mom and dad are fighting” Crowley said pointing towards you and Chuck.

“I’m here to reap him.” Billie said.

“A bomb! We could make a bomb” Rowena said. “To bring light and kill Amara”

“You can do it with souls” Billie said.

That’s how Dean found himself as a human bomb, facing Amara. Sam sat with you, Chuck, Crowley and Rowena, just waiting to see what happens. Waiting for his brother to die. You heard a grunt and looked over at Chuck, dying. 

“Can you two kiss and make up already?” Crowley asked.

“Y/n” Chuck whispered. “Baby, can we talk.”

“Now that you’re dying, you want to make amends? How very twelve steps” 

“Just do it!” Crowley growled.

You and Chuck got in a little corner and talked. Then screamed and yelled, then you both started crying. All of the sudden chuck was gone. Vanished.

“Um….” You said looking around.

Chuck looked at Amara.

“Brother.” She said.

“Wha-what?” he looked at Dean.

Dean watched as God and his sister reconnected. If only it was that easy for you. Chuckk removed the souls from Dean and Amara held out her hand for Chuck.

“What about Y/n?” Dean said.

“Who is Y/n?” Amara asked

“She is the love of my life. The woman I left and I-I can’t do that again.”

“You were in love?” 

“Yes.” 

“Bring her here” Amara smiled. Chuck snapped his fingers and you were standing next to Dean.

“This is Y//n. She is my whole world” 

“You created her?” Amara said and Chuck nodded.

“I have spent months looking for you. And you, you love her. I want to be with you, but. We can be together.” 

“Go-go to heaven, with you?” you asked. Chuck held out his hand and you took it. 

“Wait.” Dean said.

“This is not goodbye. She will come visit. I promise.” Dean walked over and kissed your forehead. You smiled at him.

“Take care of, Sammy” you said.

“I always do” Chuck held Amara's hand and the three of you vanished.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading.


End file.
